Kimi Finster's Day Off

[Intro scene: Kimi and Lil are walking through the outside commons area of the school.]
KIMI: so anyway, there's this really cute guy there, he's in the eighth grade!
LIL: I'm listening!
KIMI he's got this cool grey jacket on, and he likes Ferraris!
LIL: Well, what's his name?
KIMI: Ferris-something....
LIL: Ferris Mueller?! That kid’s crazy!
KIMI: I know, isn't he great?
LIL: No! He's like the epitome of "stay-away-from-that-guy-he's-trouble!"
KIMI: Aw, c'mon!
LIL: No seriously!
KIMI: Girl, he's got his own fan base at school!
LIL: Yeah, they're all the teenybopper chicks that have as much brains as a milk carton!
KIMI: what are you saying?
LIL: I'm saying you need to chill out. This guy is baaad news. I mean come on! The guy cherry bombed every bathroom in the
school once!
KIMI: so? That was funny!
LIL: Not if you have to go to the bathroom! He also TP-d the whole school as his beginning of the year prank last year! And
it rained that night too!
KIMI: That was also pretty funny. What's your point?
LIL: Nevermind!
KIMI: Omigosh! There he is!
LIL: Where?!
KIMI: Over there! (We see a shot of a kid who is drawn to look like Ferris Bueller.)
LIL: That guy?!
KIMI: Yeah. Isn't he cute?!
LIL: I guess...if you like Cadillacs.

[Begin intro music]

[At Angelica's house. Angelica is rooting through her closet trying to find something to wear, throwing things out of it as
she does.]
ANGELICA: Ugh! Ew! Yuck! (pops out briefly) So that's where that shirt went! Man it's ugly! (tosses it and goes back to the
closet) No. No-er. No-est!
(Enter Charlotte)
CHARLOTTE: Angelica, what in the name of Cher are you doing?
ANGELICA: Who?!
CHARLOTTE: Nevermind! Are you going to that party tonight or what? You'd better hurry up, it's almost 6:30. If your party
starts at seven, you'd better hurry up and get going!
ANGELICA: And just HOW am I supposed to get there?
CHARLOTTE: By using the most basic form of transportation.
ANGELICA: roller skates?
CHARLOTTE: Hoof it, Angelica.
ANGELICA: But MOOOOM! I can't WALK to the party! It's so plebian! Besides, Dad was supposed to take me! He promised!
CHARLOTTE: He's not home yet, he--(She is cut off by a loud honk) Oh good Lord, he didn't.
ANGELICA: didn't what?!
CHARLOTTE: I told him not to...I told him...
ANGELICA: NOT TO WHAT?!
CHARLOTTE: Now, Angelica, I want you to understand, that your father is going through a little phase that all men go through
in their forties...
ANGELICA: yeah, yeah, midlife crisis, trying to regain lost youth that's forever been sucked down the drain of time...get to
the point.
CHARLOTTE: Well (HONK HONK from outside) Most men like to go out and (HONK HOOOOOOOONK) KEEP YOU PANTS ON DREW!!!
ANGELICA: He bought a new car didn't he?! Awesome! Awesome! Awesome! (She runs downstairs and outside) Daddy!! You came home with a...what in the world is that thing?! (Shot of Drew standing by a brand new bright red Corvette Convertible)
DREW: This is the best car in the world! Ever since I was a kid, I really wanted one! Your uncle Stu always bet he'd get one
before I did, but look at me now little brother! Eat my dust!! WAHOOOO!
ANGELICA: Dad, it's just a car. and it's not even in a good color to drop me off at the party tonight! It's totally going to
clash with my outfit!
DREW: I didn't choose the color to match your outfits, Angelica. I chose it because this color looks really Far-out on this
car!
ANGELICA: Far-out?! Dad, please! Stop with the sayings that were outta date even back when you were a kid!
DREW: What? Is "Far-out" not hip anymore?
ANGELICA: "Hip" isn't even hip anymore. Can we go now? The party starts in like...(looks at watch) OMIGOD! Fifteen minutes!!
DREW: Do you think your peeps will totally dig my brand-new ride?
ANGELICA: Auuugh...Gawd! Remind me to erase every single word you just said off of the cool list for the next eighty years.
DREW: Sorry.
ANGELICA: That's not important! If EVER you had the urge to speed recklessly, DO IT NOW!!!
DREW: Right on!
ANGELICA: DAD!!!

[As Angelica arrives at the party. The Corvette drives up, and Angelica gets out, masking her face. Meanwhile everyone stops
to stare at the brand new Corvette in front of them. Paris Anna, Brianna, and Savannah are sitting there.]
PARIS: Smooth ride, Angelica!
ANGELICA: Huh?
BRIANNA: That is a beautiful car! it totally matches your eyeshadow!
ANGELICA: (smiles) oh yeah, yeah I guess it does.
ANNA: And it's so cool looking too! Is it fast?
ANGELICA: Oh yeah! why just a few minutes ago, my dad and I were zooming down the highway at like several hundreds of miles
an hour!
BRIANNA: Wow! Isn't that car the bomb, Savannah?
(Savanna just sits there, staring at the car in shock, disbelief and jealousy. Her eyelid twitches a bit.)
ANGELICA: What can I say, she's--(Drew takes off in a violent peel out, sending a cloud of tire smoke over to where the girls
are standing, and covering Angelica with shredded rubber shards. The girls stat coughing.)*cough* --speechless.
SAVANNAH: (coughs) Well, now I'm not! Maybe that isn't the right car for your dad if he can't learn to control his childish
behavior! Am I right, girls?
PARIS: Well...
ANNA: uh...
BRIANNA: Um...
SAVANNAH: Forget it. I'll save you the trouble, I'm right. Now if I were you, Angelica...I'd clean myself off. You know,
Good Years aren't exactly the latest fashion, dear. (they walk off)

[Phil and Lil are at home. Lil is in her room laying on her bed reading, when Phil bursts in.]
PHIL: LILLIAN!
LIL: (Jumps, up, throws book in air. It lands open on her head.) What?! What's wrong?!
PHIL: I'm dead meat, Lil!
LIL: What did you do now?!
PHIL: I left my math book at school! I have a test tomorrow!
LIL: Surprise, surprise. You've never worried this much about studying before!
PHIL: Because it was never a MIDTERM before!!! If I fail this test, I fail the class! What am I going to do?!
LIL: Put your head between your knees and kiss your butt goodbye.
PHIL: Lil, I'm serious! I can't fail this! Mom already said if I fail another test, I'd be in serous trouble, and now this is
a midterm! it's like the second most important test we'll take all year!
LIL: Good thing I studied then.
PHIL: You studied?
LIL: Yeah, but we don't have that class together.
PHIL: I know.
LIL: (smiling) So I can't help you out.
PHIL: I know!
LIL: (grinning) So you're up a creek, huh?
PHIL: I KNOW!
LIL: Maybe this'll teach you to be more of a responsible person in the future.
PHIL: And you're responsible?
LIL: I like to think I am, yes.
PHIL: If you call hiding in the bathroom when it's time to do the dishes responsible!
LIL: Hey, that was real! I had to go!
PHIL: Yeah, yeah, whatever.
LIL: You see your problem is that you need to be more like me. (an idea hits Phil)
PHIL: Or YOU need to be ME!
LIL: Uh....NO!
PHIL: Come on, Lil! Please?!
LIL: Absolutely not, Phillip! I will not do the switch for you just so you can get a good grade on your test!
PHIL: But Lil, you GOTTA help me! You studied and I didn't!
LIL: Not my problem! (waves him off)
PHIL: Well let me use your book then!
LIL: Don't have it.
PHIL WHAT?! What do you mean you don't have it?!
LIL: I mean I don't have it! Phil I studied for this test on Wednesday, Thursday and during the school day in Math class on
Friday. I was ready for it by the time your class was in session that day.
PHIL: Then you have to do this for me, Lil! It's the only way!
LIL: Nope.
PHIL: C'mon! please?!
LIL: I'm sorry, my ears can't come to the phone right now, so talk to the hand!
PHIL: Urgh! You're so...so...so...
LIL: Unreasonable?
PHIL: Yeah!
LIL: I know, G'night, Phil!

[There is a Buzz around school the next Monday as Kimi gets up her courage to talk to Ferris.]
KIMI: (To herself) Hi, Ferris! HI Ferris! Hey, Ferris! What’s up, Ferris! (suddenly Ferris walks up behind her)
FERRIS (Should be voiced by Matthew Broderick): Um. Hi. (Kimi wheels around, frightened.) Whoa! Easy there, uh...help me out
here...
KIMI: (nervously) Uuuuh...
FERRIS: Your name's "Uuuuh"? Well, a little unorthodox, but...
KIMI: (quickly) Kimi!
FERRIS: Huh? Where?
KIMI: (nervously) No, no, my name's Kimi! Kimi...uh...
FERRIS: Pachinko? (She shakes her head no) Morris?(nuh-uh) Finster?
KIMI: Yeah! That's the one! You know who I am?
FERRIS: Yeah, you're like the goody-goody around here!
KIMI: Well, not ALL the time...
FERRIS: Oh? Do you do...stuff?
KIMI: Oh, yeah, stuff! Yeah, I do lots of stuff! Lots and lots! Can't get enough of doing stuff!
FERRIS: Great! You wanna hang out and do stuff?
KIMI: uh....what stuff?
FERRIS: Well, We'd have to skip school if you're up for it. It's easy! I do it all the time!
KIMI: I donno...I have a perfect attendance record.
FERRIS: Oh, sure. I understand. You gotta keep up the goody-goody rep. No big.
KIMI: I can do stuff after school!
FERRIS: Nah, that's alright. I'm already doing stuff after school. But hey, I'll check ya later if you're lucky. (Winks at
her and walks off. Kimi melts to her knees.)
KIMI: He winked at me! How awesome is that?! (Chuckie walks up)....
CHUCKIE: Are you...talking to yourself?
KIMI: (gets up quickly) Oh, no, no, NO! I was just...uh...meditating! Yeah, gotta get that chi flow going...
CHUCKIE: Whatever. Hey did you hear?
KIMI: What?
CHUCKIE: The thing that's been going around school all day!
KIMI: *sigh* No, I didn't. I guess I'm too much of a goody-goody to hear all the latest gossip.
CHUCKIE: Oh, it's not gossip, Kimi! And you are not goody-goody. You get Z in more trouble than he could get himself into.
KIMI: (shoves him, smiling) I do not! Anyway, what's up?
CHUCKIE: Angelica's dad went nuts last Friday at a party!
KIMI: Huhwha?
CHUCKIE: He’s flipped out! He went out and bought a new car!
KIMI: And that's flipping out, how?
CHUCKIE: Kimi, it's a Corvette!
KIMI: Really?!
CHUCKIE: Yeah, it's a red convertible!
KIMI: Cool! Maybe he'll give us a ride one of these days!
CHUCKIE: Yeah right...over Angelica's dead body.
KIMI: Ah, I'm not scared of her!
CHUCKIE: *sigh* I can just picture it now! They are really pretty cars! If only we could just drive it. Just for the day.
That'd be cool.
KIMI: (gets an idea.) Chuckie! You're a genius!
CHUCKIE: Yeah I know, I took a test the other day, and...oh, no...I just gave her an idea, didn't I? (Kimi pulls Chuckie off
Camera.)

[At lunch, Tommy, Phil, Lil and Dil are sitting at a table. Dil challenges Phil to a belching contest.]
DIL: BEEEEEEEEEEEEEELCCCCCCCCHH!!!! Ah. Beat that.
PHIL: I can't right now, Dil. I'm too nervous?
DIL: What the dilly-o?
TOMMY: "What the dilly-o"?! That word was out of style before you were born!
LIL: He's mad because I won't switch places with him in math class so I can pass the test for him.
TOMMY: No offense, but it'll be kinda hard to pass you off as Phil. I mean, if Phil came to class with long hair, a skirt, and eyeliner, people would be kinda suspicious.
PHIL: No, I'd give her some of my clothes to change into! Besides, It's not like it'd KILL ya, Lillian!
LIL: It would, Phillip. What if we got caught, huh? Did you ever think of that? No....
PHIL: We won't get caught Lillian!
LIL: Yes we will, Phillip!
TOMMY: Hey, you guys chill out already! There's got to be an easier way to do this.
PHIL: Like what?
TOMMY: well, go get your math book, and run to the library for lunch and do an emergency cram session!
PHIL: Yeah! And maybe I could get myself excused from my other classes too, and make the cram session even longer!
TOMMY: Yeah, see you got nothing to worry about!
LIL: Yeah, looks like you don't even need my help after all!
PHIL: You're right, Tommy! Thanks dude, I owe you one!
TOMMY: You owe me a bunch more, but I'll let it slide.
PHIL: Don't get carried away T. Man, I feel so much better...in fact...(Takes a big swig of soda, then lets fly a thunderous belch in Dil's face. Phil gets up to go get his book and head to the Lib.)
DIL: Well, he beat it.
TOMMY: Hardcore. That belch was bigger than you are.

[Phil runs into the library. The librarian stops him and shushes him.]
LIBRARIAN: SHHH! No running.
PHIL: (loudly) Sorry, Ms Library Lady, sir!
(the Librarian takes off her glasses and pinches her eyes together.)
LIBRARIAN: Just take your seat please. And keep quiet!
(Phil runs to sit down, and study. He starts reading aloud.)
PHIL: Okay, a²+b²=c². So I guess a+b=c?! Makes sense. The area of a circle is pr², the circumference is 2pr...this doesn't make any sense!!! (The librarian looks at him sternly.)
LIBRARIAN: Be. Quiet.
PHIL: Sorry! (suddenly, a girl walks up to Phil. Her name is Kristy, and she's kind of on the plain side.)
KRISTY: Hi Philly!
PHIL: Oh hi, Kristy!
KRISTY: (runs her finger along his shirt collar) So what's a nice guy like you doing in a place like this?
PHIL: (blushing) well...hehhehheh..y'know....stuff...hehhehhehheh...
KRISTY: Well, the dance is coming up on Friday, and I was wondering if you were asking anybody?
PHIL: Well, er...I guess we could go, if you wanted to....
KRISTY: Great! Philly, you're the best!
LIBRARIAN: SHHHH!
PHIL: Yeah, I guess I am...
(Kristy plans a big wet one on his cheek, and then runs off. Phil wipes it off.)
PHIL: Ew. Girl, you gotta stop using your tongue. (suddenly the bell rings.) Oh no! Lunch is over, and I didn't get any studying done!
LIBRARIAN: SHHHHH!!!

[Kimi and Chuckie walk into Drew's garage]
KIMI: A Brand New Corvette Convertible!
CHUCKIE: Yes, it's very nice...can we go now?!
KIMI: Just a minute, don't you wanna see what it looks like inside?
CHUCKIE: I don't think Angelica's dad is going to like us playing around his midlife crisis!
KIMI (Jumping in over the door): How about IN it?
CHUCKIE: Gah! Kimi, what are you doing?!
KIMI: Relax, Chuckie! Look, it's got a navigation system!
CHUCKIE: Kimi, I really don't think we should be doing this.
KIMI (her eyes light up): Oh my gosh! Look what I found!
CHUCKIE: Oh no...not the...
KIMI: The key fob! (Holds it up)
CHUCKIE: *Whew* Well, at least you didn't find the keys themselves.
KIMI: Chuckie don't be silly! The engine is a push-button start.
CHUCKIE: What'll they think of next?
KIMI: Watch...
CHUCKIE: No Kimi! Don't! (The Corvette roars to life)
KIMI: Ooooooh yeah. Listen to that baby purrrrrrrrr!
CHUCKIE: Oh great. She started the car.
KIMI: What do you say we go for a little joy ride?
CHUCKIE: What?! Kimi We're only 11! We can't drive!
KIMI: Bah, how hard can it be? I can see over the wheel and reach the pedals just fine!
CHUCKIE: I don't like this! I don't like this one bit!
KIMI: I'm leaving without ya! (inches the car forward, then stops)
CHUCKIE: Kimi! Don't drive it! Mr. Pickles keeps an exact count of the mileage!
KIMI: So what? We'll just drive backwards on the way home!
CHUCKIE: Backwards?! well, we might as well hang signs on the car that says we're driving it five years before we're supposed to!
KIMI: Fine we'll drive home frontwards, then find a parking lot, and do backwards donuts until we get the mileage back down!
CHUCKIE: That's even worse of a plan!
KIMI: Come on, Chuckie! You know you wanna! Wind in your hair, four hundred horses pulling you down the street at a hundred-eighty miles an hour? Zero-to-sixty in four seconds?
CHUCKIE: Oh yeah, like that really wants to make me get in that death trap even more!
KIMI: Meh. Okay, you can stay here then and try to explain to Mr. P why his Vette's missing if he comes back.
CHUCKIE: Explain...you mean...try to make up a.....lie? Kimi, you know I'm no good at lying!
KIMI: That zero to sixty is looking pretty friendly now, huh?
CHUCKIE: (*sigh*) Lemme in...

[Phil, Lil and Tommy are in Biology class]
PHIL: (raising his hand) Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
BEAKER: Yes Mr. DeVille, what do you want...as if I didn't already know. No, you can't use the bathroom right now.
PHIL: No, it's not that. I was wondering if...
BEAKER: No.
PHIL: But I didn't even get to say what I wanted to...
BEAKER: No.
PHIL: Oh, maaaannn....
LIL: Didn’t get enough study time, huh Phil?
PHIL: Not any! I like totally got distracted!
TOMMY: By what?
PHIL: (Nervously) err....that's not important now! I need help you guys! Tommy! I need another plan!
TOMMY: sorry, bro. I got nothing.
PHIL: Lil...
LIL: No.
PHIL: But I didn't even--
LIL: No.
PHIL: GRRRR.
TOMMY: (looking around) Hey, where’s Chuckie?
LIL: I don't know...Kimi wasn't here earlier either...
PHIL: Maybe they're skipping...
TOMMY: Nah, that's so not like them, especially not Chuckie.
LIL: And Kimi's got perfect attendance.
(Mr. Beeker stands up and starts to call roll)
BEEKER: Okay class, I’m going to call roll. Oh, roll, where are you?
(Class groans)
BEEKER: Okay, now that that's settled, I'm going to take attendance. Miss Abernathy?
GIRL: Present!
BEEKER: Mr. Baumann?
BOY: Present!
BEEKER: Mr. and Miss DeVille?
LIL: Here!
PHIL: Presidente!
BEEKER: Maravilloso. Mr. Finster? (silence) Finster? Finster? Finster? Finster? Finster? Finster? (during this, Look at the class, then we see Tommy tapping his pencil, Lil nodding off, and Phil picking his nose. Cut to next scene.)

[Kimi and Chuckie are sneaking back into their house. Kimi peeks around the corner of the counter, then runs in. Chuckie peeks around the corner, but as he runs in, he bonks his head on a hanging fruit basket, spilling everything.
KIMI (wincing): Chuckiiiieeee! Be quiet!
CHUCKIE: I'd be quieter if Mom didn't hang so much stuff in the path of my head!
KIMI: I don't think they're at home. The must be at the coffee shop.
CHUCKIE: Well, that's a relief.
KIMI: But just to be on the safe side, run upstairs and make sure Mom isn't still here.
CHUCKIE: Me?! Why me?!
KIMI: Chuckie....
CHUCKIE: Okay, fine!
(Chuckie runs upstairs, slinks along the wall, and trips over a chewed-up pair of flip-flops.
CHUCKIE: (Picks them up) Eeew...Fifi...(tosses them. He slowly opens the door to his parent's room, and finds nobody in there. Kimi sneaks upstairs and quietly runs over to Chuckie, but trips on the same pair of sandals)
KIMI: Eeew...Hey, these are mine! Fifi! (Fifi is sleeping over by the wall. She wakes up, looks at Kimi, rolls her eyes and goes back to sleep.)
CHUCKIE: Okay Kimi, the coast is clear.
KIMI: Okay, Chuckie, here's the plan. You're gonna call the school and pretend to be Tommy's dad.
CHUCKIE: What? Why do I have to do everything?!
KIMI: Because you're a guy, and he's a guy, and I can't be a guy.
CHUCKIE: Well, why don't you try to be Tommy's Mom, then?
KIMI: Because I can't sound like her. I tried to practice all last night, I just couldn't get it down.
CHUCKIE: What makes you think I can do Tommy's Dad any better than you can do his mom?
KIMI: Because you're great at impressions! You can do a dead-on of Dad!
CHUCKIE: Well, yeah, I am pretty good at Dad...it's all in the sinuses...
KIMI: So go ahead, Chuckie. Work your vocal magic!
CHUCKIE: But what do I say?
KIMI: I donno...something like Spike has to go to the Vet.
CHUCKIE (dialing): We're so not gonna get away with this...(the other end rings, and Pangborn picks up.)
PANGBORN: Hello, This is Jim Jr. High School Vice Principal, Mr. Pangborn, how can I help you?
CHUCKIE (Hand over the phone; to Kimi): *Gasp* It's Pangborn! What am I gonna do?!
KIMI: Dude, just do it! Don't panic! (Chuckie gets back on the phone)
CHUCKIE (Sounds like Bart Simpson with a cold): Uuuh, hello. I'm Tommy Pickles' dad, and I'm calling to excuse him from school for the rest of the day...
PANGBORN: Why, what's the matter?
CHUCKIE: Uh... well, it's his dog, Spike...uh (Looks over to Kimi, she gives him the thumbs up) He has to go to the Vet. It looks pretty serious.
PANGBORN: Good Lord, man! What's the matter?
CHUCKIE: Uuuuh...he's uuhm...extremely flatulent...and he's uh...farting...I mean passing gas a lot, and we think it's because of something he ate. (Kimi smacks her face)
PANGBORN (incredulously): You've got to be kidding me. Who Is this? Are you sure this is Stu Pickles? You don't sound like him.
CHUCKIE: Uh... that's because I have a cold. Yeah, a bad cold. *cough, cough* I'm okay though, it seems to be loosening up a bit.
PANGBORN: Eeeh...right. Well, I'll call Tommy in, Mr. Pickles.
CHUCKIE: Really? I mean, Uh...Thank you, Mr. Pangborn. I know Tommy would like to be with his dog if worse comes to worse.
PANGBORN (suspiciously): Right. (they hang up)
CHUCKIE: Well, what do you know, we got away with it.
KIMI: Farting?! That's the best you could come up with?!
CHUCKIE: Well, it was such short notice...and I told you I can't lie worth a pile of--
KIMI (interrupting): SHHH! Did you hear something?
CHUCKIE: What?
KIMI: I thought I heard the front door close. Come on!
CHUCKIE: Oh, no...here we go again with the sneaking around...
(They sneak down the stairs to investigate the noise, but it turns out to be the wind blowing the back door closed, and
bouncing off of its jamb.)
KIMI: *Whew* I thought we were goners for sure!
CHUCKIE: Who says we aren't? When Mom and Dad find out we skipped school and stole a car...
KIMI: They're not gonna find out, right Mr. Bigmouth? And besides, we didn't STEAL it, we're BORROWING it.
CHUCKIE: Then why do I have shivers running up and down my spine?

[Cut to Phil and Tommy in class. Pangborn suddenly comes over the intercom]
PANGBORN: Will Thomas Pickles please report to the office! Now!
PHIL: Dude, what'd you do?
TOMMY: I donno!
PHIL: Man, Pangborn sounded mad!
TOMMY: I hope this isn't about Chuckie trying to find his wild side again...

[Cut to Tommy entering Pangborn's office timidly]
TOMMY: Uh...yes, mister Pangborn?
PAGBORN: Come in, Pickles. It seems that you're going home early today.
TOMMY: I am? What's up?
PANGBORN: Well, it seems there's something wrong with your dog.
TOMMY (getting worried): With Spike? What's wrong?!
PANGBORN: Well, your dad called and said that he's err...passing gas a lot... they thought it was serious. Something he ate
or something like that.
TOMMY: Serious?! Oh no!
PANGBORN: Well, your dad said he was going to come pick you up just in case.
TOMMY: Is Dil coming, too?
PANGBORN (getting suspicious): No. Oddly enough, he only asked for you.
TOMMY: That's weird.
PANGBORN: Yes. Yes it is. Anyway, go ahead and wait in the lobby.
TOMMY: Okay, Mr. Pangborn.
PANGBORN: Oh, and one more thing. Tell your dad that I hope he gets over his cold.
TOMMY: His cold? My dad doesn't have a cold! At least I don't think so...
PANGBORN (Very suspiciously): Okay then...see you tomorrow, Pickles.

[Chuckie and Kimi are driving to the school, top up.]
CHUCKIE: Kimi how are we going to get Tommy into the car? It only seats two! And besides, how is he going to know it's us?
KIMI: Take it easy Chuckie! We're in his uncle's car! He'll know to come here. And as for the seating sitch, we'll just have
you and Tommy double up in the seat! But hide yourself under this coat!
CHUCKIE: But what about you? Isn't it a little suspicious to see a little girl driving a Corvette?
KIMI: Got that covered, Chuckie! I got Dad's Groucho glasses, and a hat!
CHUCKIE (sarc): Oh, that's a great disguise Kimi. Real inconspicuous!
KIMI: Chill out, Chuck. From a distance, no one’s going to be able to tell it's me!
(they pull into the front bus lot, and Tommy is waiting there, he notices the Vette immediately.)
TOMMY: Uncle Drew? (he walks up to the Vette, and the door opens.) Uncle Drew? Is that y...uh...who are you?
KIMI: Just get in! Don't say another word!
TOMMY: Kim--?!
KIMI: SHHHH! Get in! (he gets in and closes the door.)
TOMMY: Kimi? What are you doing with Uncle Drew's car?!
KIMI: We're just borrowing it! We're playing a little hooky today!
TOMMY: Hooky? So there's nothing wrong with Spike?
KIMI: Of course not! There's a parade downtown and we're gonna be in it!
TOMMY: But we could get in serious trouble!
KIMI: Tommy, We'll have it back before anyone knows it’s gone.
TOMMY: I donno...
KIMI: Would you rather be in there taking tests?
TOMMY: Well, no.
KIMI: Then lets go! (She smacks the gas, and the Vette peels out violently.)

[Pangborn looks out the window and watches as the Vette peels out.]
PANGBORN (still suspiciously): They're in quite a hurry, aren't they? Well, I think I'm going to get to the bottom of this.
(He hits a button on his intercom)
PANGBORN: Front office! Hold all my calls. I have an investigation to attend to.

[Back to the Vette]
TOMMY: Wow! This thing is Awesome!
KIMI: Yeah!
TOMMY: Hi, Chuckie! You having fun under there?
CHUCKIE: (Still hiding under the coat) Hi, Tommy. No.
KIMI: Downtown, here we come!
(Passing shot of the Corvette as it drives down the highway towards Downtown, focus on a highway sign that says
"To downtown". Suddenly, another car drives up to the sign. Pangborn is driving.)
PANGBORN: Downtown? There's no animal hospital downtown. There's something fishy going on here, or my name isn't Slambang
Pangborn!

[Phil runs up to Lil at school again.]
PHIL: Lilly, PLEEEEEEASE!!!
LIL: For the last time, NO! And don't call me Lilly, that sounds so...girlie!
PHIL: Lil, I donno if you know this or not yet, but you're definitely a girl.
LIL: That's not what I mean Phillip! I mean it's too..."frilly"
PHIL: Okay, Fine, I didn't wanna do this, but I have to bring out the heavy artillery!
LIL: What are you talking about?
PHIL: You know Avery Caraggiolo?
LIL: You mean the dreamy guy with the slicked-back black hair and the bicycle shaped like a Harley?
PHIL: The one you are devastatingly crushed on?
LIL (getting nervous): I'm not DEVASTATINGLY crushed on him, I just think he's cute!
PHIL: That's not what I heard....
LIL: PHILLIP! What did you hear?!
PHIL: Haha! Hit a nerve, huh?!
LIL: Phil, I'm gonna KILL you! What did you hear?!
PHIL: Oh, it's not what I heard...It's more like what HE'S gonna hear!
LIL: You wouldn't!
PHIL: Oh, try me!
LIL: PHIL!!
PHIL: Oh, don't worry Lil. You're secret's safe with me...but you gotta do something for me, first.
LIL: Oh, Phil, please don't make me do this!
PHIL: You did it to me. Twice!
LIL: Oh...Phil...please!
PHIL (grinning): Ace my math final for me today, and I'll put in a good word for you with Avery. You blow it, I blow your
secret wiiiide open to him!
LIL: But Phil! This is blackmail!
PHIL: I learn from the best, sis!
LIL (defeated): Where's the hair gel?
PHIL: YES!!
[Chas comes home and checks the messages on the answering machine. He's carrying a bag of groceries.]
MACHINE: Message one: Your --daughter-- in grade --six-- was absent from one or more classes today. Please call the front
office to rectify.
CHAS: Kimi missed classes? That's weird. I know she and Chuckie went to school today.
MACHINE: Message two: Your --son-- in grade --six-- was absent from one or more classes today. Please call the front office
to rectify.
CHAS: Kimi AND Chuckie missed classes today? That's not like them! Kimi has perfect attendance, and Chuckie...well, he'd be
to afraid to cut class...this has to be some kind of mistake! (He dials on the phone.) I mean, if they're not in school,
where could they be?


[Cut to a shot of the Vette catching air over a hill in slow motion, with the Star Wars theme in the background. Show a shot
of Kimi laughing as she drives, then a shot of Tommy raising his hands in the air, yelling will glee, then a shot off Chuckie
peeking out from behind the coat. When he sees that they are airborne, he turns light green and faints.]

[Pangborn is driving down the road. He was tailing the Corvette, but he's lost them by now.]
PANGBORN: where could they have gone? Huh? What's this? (He comes up to a sign that says "Parade today Downtown at noon"
PANGBORN A Parade, huh? Well, it seems I got me a truant Pickle...er...Pickles, rather.

[Cut to a shot of the Corvette squealing around the bend of a parking garage. Kimi Skids the Corvette sideways into a parking
spot.]
TOMMY: Wow, Kimi! Where'd you learn to drive like that?
KIMI: I play a lot of racing games at the arcade. I'm the only girl I know that's beaten "Hard Charger".
TOMMY: You're the only girl that's played it! And you have the high score on it, too!
KIMI: I know! That way I can retire as a champion!
CHUCKIE (coming to): Ugh...is the ride over? Are we home yet?
KIMI (Smirks): Yeah Chuck, you missed the whole thing! Good thing we're back, safe and sound.
CHUCKIE: (jumps out of the car) Hallelu--hey! This isn't Mr. Pickles' garage!
KIMI and TOMMY: Psyche!!!
CHUCKIE: That wasn't funny! We're downtown! We're right in the middle of everything! Tommy! Your uncle works down here! He
could totally see us! He could see the car!
TOMMY: Relax, Chucko. We'll be okay just as long as we don't do anything stupid that could call attention to us!
KIMI: Come on guys! The parade's about to start!
CHUCKIE: Tommy, please try to talk some sense into Kimi! You're the only one she listens to!
TOMMY: Stop worrying Chuckie! Everything's gonna be okay, and one day we'll look back on this day and say we really LIVED!
CHUCKIE: Unless we're caught. Then this is the day we totally DIED!
KIMI: Come on, guys! The Reptar float is letting audience members on it before the parade! Lets get on!
TOMMY: I donno if that's a good idea, Kimi. I mean, someone watching TV could see us, and then we'd get busted.
KIMI: No we won't Tommy. We're going to be in a big group of people, we'll totally blend right in!
TOMMY: Okay, whatever you say.
CHUCKIE: What?! "Whatever you say"!?! Tommy, has your brain turned into a stupidberry smoothie?
TOMMY: No, Chuckie. Look if we're in a big crowd, and we stay in the middle, then there's no way anybody's gonna notice us!
Besides, we're probably shorter than all the other people on the float, right Kimi?
KIMI: Oh, totally. See, they're all teenagers.
TOMMY: See, Chuckie, nothing to worry about!
CHUCKIE: awww...why do I let you guys talk me into this?
KIMI: Because we love ya, Chuckie!
CHUCKIE: Great, now I feel guilty.


[Phil comes out of the boys’ bathroom]
PHIL: Come on, Lil!
LIL (Still inside): I really don't wanna do this.
PHIL: Chill out "dude", you're a spittin' image!
(Lil shyly advances out of the boys’ bathroom, She's dressed just like Phil, with her hair slicked back into spikes just
like him.)
LIL: Nobody saw me go in, right?
PHIL (rolls eyes): No, Lil. Nobody saw you go in, now come on.
LIL: Okay, here's how it's going down: I go in, take the test, and get out, then you go back in, and sit out the rest of the
class, got it?
PHIL(Smirking): No problem..."Lillip"! (She slugs him in the chest) Ow! Hey, save your energy! This test is gonna be a killer!
LIL (Grimacing): So will I when we get home! (Phil's smirk evaporates)


[Chas and Kira are home, worried. Chas is slumped in a chair, and Kira is pacing nervously.]
KIRA: Are you sure the school said they weren't there?
CHAS: I went down there myself! I checked their schedules, they weren't in any of their classes, and I had them paged and
everything!
KIRA: Oh no! Where could they be? You don't think they really skipped school, do you?
CHAs: I don't know. Gosh, I hope they're okay!
KIRA: Don't worry, Honey. I'm sure they're fine. They'll probably walk right in the door when they're supposed to.
CHAS: Thanks, Kira. You always know how to make me feel better.
KIRA: Of course they better have a good explanation.
CHAS: Oh, of course. But just to make sure, Let's see if the news has any stories about runaway preteens that got hurt!
KIRA: Oh, honestly Chas.
CHAS: Oh, look, there's a parade on TV...it's downtown.
KIRA: Oh, yeah. I meant to tell you about it. I was hoping we'd go to it, but I suppose it's a little late, now.
TV ANNOUNCER: And here comes the Reptar float, and doesn't it look amazing folks? Several teenagers from the parade audience
were allowed to ride it today.
(focus on TV. Two girls in Reptar suits are dancing and singing. One of them grabs Chuckie and starts dancing with him, and
the other one grabs Tommy. Kimi jumps out from between them and starts dancing too, until she sees the TV camera. Kira and
Chas see this and gasp! Kimi panics, then she grabs the boys and retreats back into the crowd on the float.)


[Back to the kids in the parade. They scamper off the float.]
TOMMY: Are you sure the camera saw us?!
KIMI: I ran right in front of it! Oh, my God, I'm such a dope!
CHUCKIE: Well, when you're right, you're right.
KIMI: You're not helping!
TOMMY: Okay, everyone calm down. I think we're still okay.
CHUCKIE: Are you nuts! We were just on television! If that's not screaming "Hey look, we're skipping school!" I don't know
what does!
TOMMY: Don't worry, Chuckie. Think about it. Everyone we know is either at work or school.
CHUCKIE: So?
TOMMY: So they're probably not watching it on TV! They probably missed us! Your mom and Dad and Mrs. DeVille are at the
Java Lava, so they're probably too busy!
KIMI: I guess that makes sense...
TOMMY: My mom's at work, so is Mr. DeVille, and my dad...well... Oh no! My dad's still at home! He took today off from the
toy factory!
CHUCKIE: So that means...
KIMI: He might have seen us!
TOMMY: Okay, Don't panic. Panic is the enemy.
CHUCKIE: Well, he's winning! What else could go wrong?
KIMI: (Almost dropping a brick) That!
CHUCKIE: What?
KIMI: Pangborn is right over there! (They look and see Mr. Pangborn searching through the crowds.)
CHUCKIE: I need to keep my big yap shut.
KIMI: We gotta get out of here!
TOMMY: Run! (they run back into the garage behind a wide parking pillar. They look out from behind the pillar and Pangborn
passes them.)
KIMI: Jeez. That was close.
TOMMY: No kidding. Let's get out of here!

[Pangborn is still sifting through the crowd looking for Tommy. He runs into Chas and Kira. Literally. He knocks Chas down.]
PANGBORN: Oh, sorry Mr. Finster.
CHAS: No problem. Uh, Mr. Big Vice-Principal Pangborn sir...could you help me up?
PANGBORN: oh...no problem. (he helps Chas up, whose back creaks loudly all the way)
KIRA: What are you doing here, Mr. Pangborn?
PANGBORN: Well, it seems that Mr. Tommy Pickles was called out of school today, but I tailed him here. I think he's skipping,
and he's got an accomplice.
CHAS: What a coincidence! We're looking for Chuckie and Kimi. They weren't in class today, and then we saw them here on TV!
PANGBORN (raises eyebrow): Really? Was Tommy with them?
CHAS: Yeah! He was!
PANGBORN: ...and the plot thickens.
CHAS: Much like my sinus congestion...gah...foul allergies.
(Suddenly, the Corvette squeals out of the parking structure.)
KIRA: That looked like Drew's new car!
CHAS: Wow. He's taking this midlife crisis thing a little too far.
PANGBORN: Wait a minute! That's the car I followed here! That's what Tommy got away in!
KIRA: You don't suppose...?
CHAS: You mean Drew picked the kids up to go to the parade? (Suddenly Drew walks up behind them.)
DREW: Hi guys! Fancy seeing you here!
KIRA: No, I definitely don't think he did.
DREW: Don't think who did what?
CHAS: No time! We'll explain on the way!
DREW: On the way where?! Will someone please tell me what's going on?!
[Lil enters the class timidly and sits down. A boy walks past him.]
DUDE: Yo, DeVille! (slugs Lil on the arm)
LIL: OW! You little...I mean...Dude, that was harsh!
DUDE: Ooooh, sorry man, I thought you could take it.
LIL: Who says I can't?
DUDE: You just did!
LIL (smirks): yeah...yeah, I guess I am a little weenie!
DUDE (looks at her funny): Dude, are you alright? You sound different!
LIL: Oh, I'm cool. Except, I got totally dorkified today! I'm such a dork! Dork, dork, dork!
DUDE: Dude, you're like, weirder. Are you sure you're okay?
LIL: Solid like Jell-o!
(The dude looks at her weird, then turns away. Suddenly, Kristy walks up to her.)
KRISTY: Hey Philly! What's up?
LIL: Uh...hi?
KRISTY: Hi? Hi? Where's the love?
LIL: Uh...what do you mean, Kristy?
KRISTY: Aren't you gonna tell me how pretty I look today? Or how my eyes look? Or anything like that?
LIL (Smirks even wider): Nope! In fact, you really shouldn't be wearing a dress like that! It makes you look fat. And green
eyes? Huh! Come on! They look like someone blew their nose in your eyes!
KRISTY (gets mad): Well! You...That's IT, Phil DeVille! You and I are THROUGH! I never wanna talk to you again! And you can
FORGET going to the dance with me, you...you...LOSER! (She runs off. Lil is smirking even wider now. Enter the teacher.)
TEACHER: Okay, class, we'll begin the test in a moment, but first...
LIL: (raising her hand) Oh! Oh! Oh!
TEACHER: Yes, Mr. DeVille...as if I didn't know what you were going to ask already...Go ahead and use the bathroom.
LIL: Hey, you're good, they should call you the pee psychic! (the class erupts into laughter, Lil Exits and finds Phil)
PHIL: You're done already? Hey, that was fast!
LIL: No, I didn't even start!
PHIL: Well what are you doing out here?! Get back in there, Lil! My grade point average depends on this! If I fail this class
I'm gonna die! Not to mention Mom's gonna KILL me!
LIL: Well, that's your problem, Phil! You deal with it. I'm not doing this anymore!
PHIL: Might I remind you about the "leverage" we talked about earlier?
LIL: No, how about my "Leverage"? I just met a couple of your friends in there. What's this about you taking Kristy
Patterson to the dance?
PHIL: What?! How did you find out about that?!
LIL: Kristy told me; or rather, she told you.
PHIL: Lil, you can't tell anyone about this! If word gets out that I LIKE A GIRL, It's like, all OVER!
LIL (Smirking): Oh, it's already all over!
PHIL (loses his color): Whaddaya mean?!
LIL: You're soooooo dead.
PHIL: Lillian! WHAT DID YOU DO!?!
LIL: Let's just say, she's a little mad at you right now! You kinda called her fat and said her eyes look like snot!
PHIL: LIL!!!
(suddenly the teacher looks outside the classroom)
TEACHER: What's all the noise out here--(sees the two "Phils" standing there) Good GRAVY! (The class runs over to see.)
DUDE: DeVille?!
KRISTY: Philly?!
LIL: Oh, crud.
PHIL: We are so busted.
LIL: Yup.
TEACHER: What is going on here?!
LIL: What do we do now, Phil?
PHIL: Run!
(they take off and the class pours out of the classroom after them. After a chase montage, Phil and Lil finally hide in the
janitor's closet)
PHIL: *whew* that was close!
LIL: Who'd have thought it would end like this? Hiding from a group of angry 5th-graders wearing my brother's clothing.
PHIL: Uh-oh.
LIL: What?
PHIL: I gotta sneeze!
LIL: (covers his nose) Phil! Don't you dare!
PHIL: Aaaah....
LIL: PHIL!
PHIL: Aaaaahhh...
LIL: Phil! Stick your fingers in your nose!
PHIL: Aaaaaaahhhh....
LIL: Phil!
(Phil belches loudly)
PHIL: ah, that felt better!
KID: Hey, they're in there!
LIL: I'm gonna kill you, Phil.
PHIL: Well, at least I don't have to sneeze anymore. (the kids open the door to the janitor's closet and drag the twins out)
KID: What are we gonna do to them?
DUDE: I say, we trash can 'em!
KRISTY: I say we blow snot in her eyes then call her fat! Don't do anything to Phil, He's my loooove muffin! (Phil smacks his
face)
ANOTHER KID: I say we make 'em eat Pepe's meatloaf!
ANOTHER KID: I say we string 'em up the flagpole by their underwear!
CLASS: Yeah! (Class grabs the twins. Teacher catches up)
TEACHER: Now stop that! No one is going to run anybody up the flagpole by their underwear!
CLASS: Awwww...
TEACHER: I'm going to do something even worse! I'm going to...(Shadowed undershot of his face with accompanying
lighting)...CALL THEIR PARENTS! MUAHAHAHAHA!!!
PHIL and LIL: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

[The Corvette drives into Drew's garage. The kids get out, and Kimi puts the key fob back where she found it.]
CHUCKIE: Well, we got the car back safe and sound what do we do now?
TOMMY: Uh Kimi... is the car supposed to move like that?
KIMI: What?!
CHUCKIE: You forgot to set the parking brake!!!
KIMI: Oh no! (Kimi runs for the car and jumps in. She fumbles with the handbrake and gets it stopped millimeters before it
hits the wall. The kids heave a sigh of relief, but as Kimi gets out of the car, the cabinet on the wall falls off and
crushes the front of the car, setting off the alarm. Suddenly, Chas, Kira, Pangborn and Drew drive up.)
DREW: There you kids are! What on Earth--MY CAR!!!!
CHUCKIE: Yeah. Weeeee're busted.
PANGBORN: (gets in their faces) Oh, more than you know. (They look at Chas and Kira, who are standing, arms crossed, angry.)


[Focus on a door that says "DETENTION" on it. Then inside where, Tommy, Chuckie, Kimi, Phil and Lil are sitting, doin' time.]
TOMMY: So what's the damage report with you guys?
CHUCKIE: Well, aside from the month detention we all got, Kimi and me are grounded until further notice.
KIMI: Yeah, Mom and dad were really angry.
TOMMY: Yeah, same here. My dad had to try to calm uncle Drew down, but the poor guy wouldn't stop crying until Dad
volunteered to pay the body shop bill. Dad says I'll eventually pay it off, by the time I'm seventeen. (Tommy, Chuckie and
Kimi groan)
PHIL: Lil and me got grounded for a week! A whole week! Can you believe that?! (The others shoot dirty looks at him.)
LIL: Not only that, we can't look at anything with a screen until the end of the next nine-week term!
PHIL: And I can't go to the dance which means Kristy's gonna get mad at me for real this time!
TOMMY: Kristy? Who's Kristy?
PHIL (nervously): Uh...you don't know her, she's uh... new...yeah.
TOMMY: You mean Kristy PATTERSON?! Dude, she's not new...you mean you LIKE HER?!
PHIL: Uh...uuh...yyyyyno! Absolutely not!
KIMI: He's totally lying.
PHIL: What?! No I'm not!
LIL: Give it up Phil. We girls can tell when a guy is lying. (Phil grunts and lays his head down on the desk. Suddenly Ferris
walks in.)
KIMI: Ferris? What are you doing here?
FERRIS: ah, nothing. I always get detention. It's like a routine for me.
KIMI: that's soooo fascinating.... (everyone rolls their eyes and groans.)
FERRIS: So what are you in here for? You forget to put your books in the right locker or something?
KIMI: No...We skipped school.
FERRIS: Ah, you decided to play hooky after all, huh? See, now aren't you glad I talked you into it?
KIMI: Well, not really, we kinda got caught.
FERRIS: Yeah? So? (Kimi looks at him incredulously)
CHUCKIE: What?! You mean this whole thing is your idea?! I got detention because of YOU?!
KIMI: Calm down, Chuckie. It was just as much my idea as it was his.
FERRIS: (nervously) Well, what matters is that you really had fun, right?
TOMMY, CHUCKIE and KIMI: NO!
FERRIS: hey, take it easy! It's all good!
KIMI: It is not! I've never had detention in my life, and now because of you I do.
FERRIS: Uh...er...sorry?
KIMI: Sorry's not gonna cut it! From now on, because of you, I've got this black stain on my otherwise perfect record!
FERRIS: Chill out, girl! It's not the end of the world! And so you got detention, so what? That's only cause you're not as
slick as I am. You just chill with me for a couple weeks you'll be more stealth than a B2!
KIMI: Well, I donno...(Looks at group. They have their hands folded, and they look a little mad.) No way! I'm not going to
hang out with little punks like you. You can go AWOL all you want, but you're not draggin' ME into it! (Tommy and Chuckie
start clapping)
FERRIS: Hey, whatever. Anyways, I gotta go. there's a '62 Ferrari out there that's callin' my name!(Ferris Exits, Dil enters)
DIL: Hi jailbirds!
TOMMY: Dil? Did you get detention too?
DIL: Nope, I just stopped by to give you guys these tickets to the premiere of my new "Pickles' Believe It Or Not!" show.
TOMMY: Couldn't that have waited?
DIL: Heck no! I also came to rub it in! (singing) I'm going out Friday and you guys aren't!
TOMMY: Dil!
CHUCKIE: That was totally uncalled for!
DIL: Oh, what was that? I didn't hear you guys over the roar of DETEEEENTION! (The group looks at him)
TOMMY: Let's get him.
DIL: What?! Wait! Guys I was just Kidding! Heeelllp!
[Outside shot of the school as the show ends]
DIL (voice-over): No, not the underwear! Not the flagpole! GYAAAHH!
[The End]